Caffeine can be found naturally in a wide range of natural geek foods, such as Mountain Dew, Irn-bru, coke, coffee, and caffeinated soap.

Caffeine serves many purposes in a geek’s life. It is an aid for 78-hour coding sessions, a powerful fashion statement (Your geek is not a jock – jocks drink beer and do not write elegant code) and a hobby much like collecting butterflies.

There are several ways your geek may enjoy caffeine, but there are a main few types of caffeinated geeks:

The Reckless: Will have more than humanly possible, miraculously without heart failure. To him this is an endurance: a roaring proof of his virility and zanyness. This is the guy that eats caffeinated soap. Stop him if he passes out. Bless.

The Addict: Will joylessly drink cup after cup, just to avoid the headaches and to stay up.

The Recreational User: In it for the rush. Just let him have it and make sure he stays off cocaine. The dot com times are over, and he has to buy you an iPhone instead.

The Gastromand: This man will buy coffee that has been crapped by civets. Will own a Gaggia espresso machine. Will write endless newsgroup posts about the perfect cortado. This may seem a bit boring, but think of it like this: This is endless nerding over something which results in you ALWAYS having a great cup of coffee.

A Geek can be of any colour, creed, plumage, gender, and niche interest (or lack of interest); But whichever kind you have got, be it a pedigree codemonkey, or a more backyard roleplaying mix, you are guaranteed a long and rewarding hobby caring for it.

Under the tag “Your Geek: A Handbook”, I will write snippets of advice and information for the aspiring geek-keeper, to help you on your way. Topics will include such things as “Crunchtime”, “Food for Gamers”, “Why a Geek?”, and other tips for daily maintenance and training.

You and your geek will grow together, become more 1337 because of one another, and be the best of friends for a long time to come. Good luck, and again, congratulations. A Geek is not the right choice for anyone, but for the people who have the time, patience, and inclination, a geek will never be disappointing.